I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
