it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
