So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
