Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
