clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
