Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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