My nipple is on Facebook.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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