4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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