Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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