I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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