I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
