Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
