go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
