Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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