I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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