Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
