I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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