So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
