Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
