Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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