You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
