Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
