last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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