found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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