Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
