Quick, to the slutcave!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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