Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
