dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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