sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think my moral compass just broke
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