Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
