Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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