I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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