I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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