he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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