She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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