There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
