shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
