The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
