apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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