why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
