What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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