She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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