but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
