My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
