sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
