all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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