i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
