if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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