Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
