Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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